3 Ways To Ensure You Succeed With Gottman Couples Therapy

The Gottman Method is a form of therapy based on research by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. Dr. John Gottman’s long-term studies of couples have shown that people who stay together and people who get divorced show certain behaviors.

For example, healthy couples will have five positive interactions for every negative one. They developed a treatment framework based on their theories about how happy, healthy couples interact with one another. If you’re hoping to try the Gottman Method to repair your relationship, the sessions don’t just end at home. Here are three ways you can ensure you and your partner will get the most from your Gottman therapy sessions.

1. Let down your guard

A huge part of Gottman couples therapy is showing vulnerability to your partner and your therapist. You’ve got to let them in on your history, your fears, and your hopes for therapy from the get-go. This openness from both of you will serve as the foundation for your love maps. This is the first floor of Gottman’s “Sound Relationship House” metaphor where you’ll get to learn you and your partner’s inner worlds. This first floor is the basis for all the floors that follow, and the seventh floor revisits your love maps. Also: encourage the same from your partner. Ask them open-ended questions. Show them how much their honesty means to you. When you’ve been struggling together for so long, this might be easier said than done. But it’s the key to getting your sessions off on the right foot.

2. Communicate intentionally

Notice your body language. Successful couples notice and reciprocate “bids for attention”—the large and small ways your partner wants to connect with you. Maybe they found a cool article on the music website you love and want to talk to you about it while reaching their phone toward you. Or, if they’re going through a rough time, they come towards you for a hug while they explain what’s stressing them out. A good partner will turn toward them and “accept” this bid. When you know how your body language works in these interactions, you can better reciprocate your partner’s bids for communication. You’ll talk about this within your sessions, but it’s important to incorporate this intentionality into your daily lives together.

3. Rebuild intimacy

Don’t necessarily think of this as “working on your relationship” even though it technically is. Consider this a way of renewing the fondness you felt for each other at the start of your relationship. Outside your therapy sessions, make plans to be intimate together in ways you might’ve forgotten. Take a weekend trip to a nearby town. Have an evening picnic in the park. Go dancing or see the latest movie in a genre you both enjoy. In other words: start dating again! Better yet, look for new experiences together: take a hobby class, go on a gastronomic tour, or do something you’ve both never done. When you do unfamiliar things with someone you love, it strengthens your bond. Making an effort to renew these feelings will help you succeed inside and outside your sessions.

Is the Gottman Method right for you?

Couples turn to the Gottman method for many reasons, including:

• infidelity

• money problems

• sexual incompatibility

• parenting issues

• emotional distance

• frequent, unresolvable conflict

Even if you’re not experiencing a relationship-ending situation, you might still choose Gottman couples therapy to strengthen your relationship. If you and your partner decide on this therapeutic path, be sure to find a certified Gottman Institute therapist.

To find out more about how Gottman couples therapy might be right for you and your partner, please reach out to us.