Build Them Up Instead Of Tearing Them Down: How To Boost Your Child’s Self-Esteem
Kids need encouragement. As they grow, they may become unsure of their place in the world. As parents, we want to prepare them to be strong, capable adults. But building your child’s self-esteem should be done with forethought and care so that they feel empowered.
Why is high self-esteem important?
If your child feels positively about themselves, they’re more likely to try new things, succeed academically, and cope with life’s challenges. Children with low self-esteem are more likely to do worse in school and with problem-solving. Some signs of low self-esteem are:
Worrying about whether they’re good enough
Focus on their failures
Doubt their own abilities
Are self-critical and lack confidence
Here are some concrete steps you can take that will help you build your child’s self-esteem.
Check in with their feelings
When you show your child that you care about their emotional well-being, they feel valued as a person. You may find they need help or advice and hadn’t found a way to ask you yet. Having conversations about feelings early and often will build your child’s trust in you. Kids with healthy, strong relationships with their parents have been shown to have higher self-esteem than children who don’t.
Give them responsibilities
Set up a list of age-appropriate chores so your child can feel a sense of autonomy and purpose. When kids get used to their parents doing everything for them, they begin to look around at their peers and feel discouraged. Without responsibilities, they don’t develop the skills to navigate the world by themselves. This means letting them solve some problems on their own and allowing them to take healthy risks. You might feel the impulse to step in whenever they’re struggling. Instead, giving them the space to overcome their issues will build their confidence.
Praise effort, not just results
Don’t just focus on their good grades at the end of the term. Make sure to notice when they’re working hard on a particular project and let them know you’re proud of them. Even attitude changes are a good thing to make note of. You might say something like, “I know you used to hate writing your English essays, but lately I’ve noticed you taking initiative to get started early. Good job!” But be careful not to praise your child too much unnecessarily—it can harm them in the long term. It can actually stop them from pushing toward their goals.
Refrain from harsh criticism
Yelling at, insulting, or shaming your child is only going to hurt them. When the only alternative to praise is criticism when they don’t get something right, they’ll start to feel nervous and uncertain around you. If your child engages in behaviors that frustrate you, step away until you’re able to speak calmly with them. Keep your discipline rooted in logic and stick to consequences your child can understand.
Show them unconditional love
Only placing value on your child’s achievements might make them feel their love is earned, not unconditional. Don’t focus too much on what you expect from your child in terms of performance. Instead, spend time with them where you don’t talk about their latest report card or their upcoming baseball game. That way they know that if they fall short of an expectation, you’re still supporting them.
Is your child struggling with their self-esteem?
Lowered self-esteem can be a sign of other mental health or mood issues going on. Depression, anxiety, and unaddressed trauma all have low self-esteem as one of their many symptoms. If you notice signs of other, more serious issues in your child, it may be time for them to see a therapist.
To learn more about how child therapy can boost their self-esteem, please reach out to us.
